You were one of my best friends, if not the best friend.  And you let me down.

You stood me up / bailed / chickened / wussed out, three weeks in a row.  How can you do this to anyone, let alone one of your best friends?

You made a commitment to do something and didn’t follow through.  When you agree on doing something, especially when it comes to performing music, you have to commit to it.  You don’t just promise someone and get all fired up the night before, only to crash and burn before the performance even begins.

When you promise someone you’d do something, no matter how anxious you feel leading up to it, you have to do it, or you let that someone down.

Just suck it up and do it.

You let yourself down, and you let me down.

Many have told me that your failures are none of my business.  But because we were going to perform together, it became my business because I had to be mentally ready to perform with you material that’s different from my own.  I had to care about how we’d sound.  I sacrificed time to rehearse my own songs in order to get our songs ready.  And it all went down the drain.

Every week you go “okay, let’s do this.  Next week, we’re gonna do this.”  And I go, “alright!” And every single fucking time, on the day of the performance, you go “I can’t do this.”

I almost smashed my phone when, once again, I was struck with a text message that read “nah man, I can’t do this.”  I was too disappointed and upset to keep a cool head.  Time and again, one full-of-shit claim after another, I still fell for your musical enthusiasm knowing that your performance anxiety will get the best of you.

I tried to be empathetic and understanding, but it’s gotten to the point where  the same shit happens every fucking time.  I mean, seriously? It’s the simple notion that when you promise someone you’d do something, you do it.  You don’t just back out of it because of rattled nerves.

Do you think that any of the other performers don’t get performance anxiety on their first time? or they 80th time? Performance anxiety is always there.  The only way to overcome it is with good preparation and fight through it.  We prepared for a month.

You made me angry.  Not a lot of people can make me angry.  There’s my mom, and… my mom, and you.

You’re fucking pathetic.

I feel sorry for you.  I really do.  I hope you don’t do this to your other friends, because I’d feel sorry for them, too.


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